Shared Interests: 0/5
Jack is not a fun dad. He barely has anything to do with his son. Danny has to make his own fun by riding his trike endlessly through the orange carpeted halls of the hotel. Maybe if he would have taken some time away from his work and thrown a ball with Danny instead of against a wall, he wouldn’t have been driven mad by the malevolent ghosts of the Overlook hotel. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” it sounds like even the ghosts knew thought that he needed to lighten up a bit.
Dad Jokes: 3/5
As previously mentioned, Jack is a bit of a stick in the mud. The one joke he makes in the film is when he breaks through the bathroom door with an ax. Jack sticks his head in the cracked frame and yells “Here’s Johnny!” Sure this might be the worst time to make a joke as he is in the middle of attempted familicide, but when are dad jokes ever told at the appropriate time? I would argue this is the most dad thing he does the entire movie.
Protection: 0/5
Uhhh...yeah this is an easy one. Before the ghost madness, Jack was a verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive husband and father. After receiving his spirit lobotomy, Jack goes from jerk dad to murder dad real quick. He becomes a relentless killer who will stop at nothing to see his wife and son become part of the hotel forever. He even kills Scatman Crothers, the one person who knew and cared about Wendy and Danny’s plight. Man, if you had a dad who was half as interested in your protection as Jack is in killing his family, you’d have guaranteed safety for life.
Hug:1/5
Let’s take a look at one of the creepiest cinematic hugs of all time.
Spooky stuff. If you were just reading his words to Danny you would think, “Aww, what a sweet dad.” But the music and Jack Nicholson's performance make this scene terrifying. He gets one point for actually hugging his son, but loses all other points for the way he said “I would never do anything to hurt you” so unconvincingly. He wants to hurt you, Danny. He wants it so bad.
Wisdom: 0/5
The man thought it was a good idea to take his wife and son to a middle of nowhere empty hotel for the entire winter. Because there’s nothing like ghosts and solitude to help you with your mental illness and drinking problem. Murderous Jack is not any better. He can’t find his way out of a simple hedge maze before freezing to death.
Bonus: +0
Nothing. Jack sucks man.