Shared Interests: 1/5
I do love me some lightsabers but I get the feeling that our Dark Lord of the Sith would be more likely to kill me with one than teach me how to use it. As for other interests, ruling the galaxy isn’t really my jam. I don’t even want to be the leader in a group project. Let alone make decisions for hundreds of planets.
Dad Jokes: 5/5
Oh boy. If I was writing this a few years ago I think that the rating would be pretty low. Vader doesn’t really seem like the joking type. I mean if your best friend cut off your arms and legs and left you to burn in a pit of lava, and then later that day your creepy boss tells you that you accidentally killed your wife and baby, you’d probably not be laughing very much either. Like ever. But thankfully we have the cinematic mediocrity that is Star Wars: Rogue One. Just watch this beautiful clip.
Okay, you see what I mean right? That is the most dad joke of all dad jokes. And for that, he gets a perfect score.
Protection: 4/5
When it comes to badass dads you can’t really find anyone more deadly than Darth Vader. If he is protecting you he is going to win. He saved his son from the strongest dark being in the galaxy and won. He did also cut off his son’s hand in the movie before that one but hey I’d trade my hand for my life any day. Plus it makes a really cool story.
Hug: 0/5
It is so unlikely that Darth Vader would hug anybody, even his kids. But if he were to give a hug it would be...something. Have you ever hugged an electrical box? No? Yeah...me neither. But IF I had I would think that it would be similar to hugging Vader. His cold dead arms pulling you tight as buttons and switches press into your face and chest. And you just know that he would squeeze too tight.
Wisdom: 1/5
Darth Vader, formerly known as the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, went through a lot. He was a slave growing up, was trained by Jedi, and saw the farthest reaches of the galaxy. You’d think that he would have some nuggets of knowledge stored up there in his metal helmet. The problem is that this is also the same guy who murdered children, helped a dictator rise to power, and brought about a decades-long civil war to save his wife who ultimately died anyway because of his actions. So, probably not the brightest bulb out there.
Bonus: +2
Vader gets two bonus points for having killer style. I mean who wears a cape? So rad.