Shared Interests: 1/5 
Ego is virtually a god. His favorite past times include planet-hopping, bedding native women, and then consuming those planets to grow his own mass and power. I don’t know about you but I find most of that pretty hard to relate to. But hey, at least he is willing to spend some time with you right? You just might not enjoy that quality time unless you too are a genocidal psychopath. 

Dad Jokes: 3/5
In his human form, Ego is a pretty jovial guy. He is always smiling and has that wonderful Kurt Russell charm. He definitely seems like the kind of guy that might crack a good joke or two. Sadly, we don’t ever really get to see him do that in Guardians Vol. 2. Perhaps the closest thing we get is him calling Rocket a “triangle-faced monkey,” which is…pretty good actually. But as we don’t see any straight dad jokes he can at best receive an average score. 

Protection: 1/5
Feasibly, Ego would be a fantastic protector. As a literal god, he possesses enormous power. He is shown taking out an entire fleet of ships with relative ease. If he was interested in your protection he would definitely keep you safe. But there’s the catch, he needs to be interested in protecting you. Being his child does not automatically mean he will want to keep you safe. In fact, he actually killed all of his offspring besides one. You would need to be the lucky ones born with celestial powers if you want his protection. And then you have to go along with his universe destroying schemes or you’ll become a battery for life. So yeah, he could protect you but the likelihood that he will is very very slim. 

Hug: 1/5 
Ego doesn’t really have a body per se. What physical mass he has created for himself in the form of a planet. Yet, his celestial powers allow him to project a human-like version of himself complete with human functions. But despite this, he still isn’t really human. Hugging Ego would be like what I imagine hugging Donald Trump is like; it might physically feel the same as hugging a human being but inside you know it means nothing to him. 

Wisdom: 0/5
Having lived for millions of years Ego has learned a thing or two about the universe. He could tell you all sorts of interesting stuff about how it all works. But dad wisdom usually comes in the form of good advice. Dads steer us away from the wrong out us back on the right path. But Ego? That man (god/planet/celestial) with lead you off the path and push you off a cliff. He’s not someone I would really trust to give me good dating advice for example. He’d probably just tell me to put a tumor in her head and then eat a planet or something.  ​​​​​​​
Bonus: +0
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